Thank you all for your comments on my last post. 🙂 I appreciate each and every one of them, and I feel better knowing that I’m not the only one who takes criticism too harshly!
At the same time, I can’t help but feel like I’m not good enough. I work so hard, but I feel like every little mistake I make is magnified an enormous amount. I’m a forgetful person. I get tired easily. I don’t let these limitations stop me, and I don’t use them as an excuse, but sometimes I really want to.
I’m sorry I didn’t respond to your email right after you sent it, I was asleep because my energy is usually all used up by 11 pm.
I’m sorry I’m doing my homework now instead of going to a party, I don’t know if I’ll feel sick tomorrow so I need to use the time I have to get my work done.
I’m sorry I didn’t come to that meeting, I wasn’t feeling well and my mind doesn’t work correctly when that happens.
It’s quite frustrating, but I’m always skeptical about asking for help. There is nothing I can do about it, and I feel like I’m not sick enough to actually be needy.
Little mistakes and inconveniences like these are why I really dislike having a chronic condition. I am so fortunate to have a loving family, amazing friends, incredible doctors, and a relatively mild case of postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome that responds well to medication. When it comes down to it, I’m just a normal person dealing with the same stuff that all normal people deal with. My “stuff” is just a little different. I don’t expect empathy from others. I don’t expect special accommodations. I’m incredibly stubborn, but it’s hard to be stubborn when you don’t always feel in control of your own body.
I’m not perfect and I know that. I just don’t like telling people that I can’t do something, nor do I like telling them that I didn’t do something. But sometimes it’s inevitable. I’m not incompetent. I am different. And that’s okay.